Comparison (Part I): My Journey Through It
I want to talk about comparison and how it turned into a confidence-stealing monster for me this week. As I was sitting down to write this post, I realized there was so much I wanted to explore and write about comparison. This will be the first part of a three-part series on comparison.
As many of you know, I have been practicing becoming more aware of my thoughts and how they affect my feelings.
I now take walks without plugging in my headphones, but rather I have been plugging into my own brain. Let me tell you it is fascinating in there!
I have uncovered deep dark thoughts or long held beliefs that seemed to be lurking around in the corners of my brain for years. Before now, I have never taken those thoughts out to have a look at them in the light of day.
When I am at my day job I make it a priority to take a walk during lunch…
So, I was taking my daily walk this past week and I realized I was feeling a little negative.
My normal modus operandus would be to push the negative feeling back down and distract myself from those negative thoughts.
Instead I made some space for the negative thoughts, and paid attention without judgement (which is a feat within itself).
My goal was to feel that negative emotion and see what thought was attached to it.
Once I was able to make space for that emotion, I realized I was feeling envious.
That feeling of being envious arose from comparing myself to another. I was then able to take this negative thought and really delve into why I felt the need to compare myself to this other person.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into. . .
All of these old feelings of insecurity came rushing to the surface.
I realized that comparison was a habit that I had become very good at at a young age.
When I was younger, I always compared myself to others and I constantly fell short in my mind.
I was an insecure kid who just wanted to be different than who I was.
When I was older, I realized I could “win” many of the comparison games my brain played by being thinner than everyone else. I constantly compared myself in terms of size in my teen years and into my early twenties.
Sometimes, even now, I catch myself playing the comparison game in terms of body size and shape to other women.
Once I realized that this comparison game that my brain plays has affected me is such dramatic ways, my next thought was, “Well, how do I fix it?”
I have decided to take my research on this topic to another level.
This will be a three part blog post series. This post was obviously telling my story about comparison. The second part is where I pull out my Master’s degree and use it. I will talk about the psychology behind comparison-basically why we do it and its effect on us. The third part will be how to become more aware of our comparison habits. And HOW TO STOP THEM.
I hope these posts will help you understand comparison and its affect on all of us and maybe learn some techniques to stop the comparison game. But in truth this series is as much for me as it is for my community. Because I want to feel better and I want the same for you!
Are you with me? I am getting really excited and I hope you are too. So let’s stop the comparison game and start living!